Saturday, January 3, 2009

Ima Thinkin'

Ima thinkin my last few blogs have been pretty serious, so it's time to lighten up.

After seeing "Valkyrie", Ima thinkin' Hitler escaped assassination because he probably never really trusted the member of his inner circle who continually spoke with an American accent: Tom Cruise. Everybody else in the movie had a German accent. In my mind, this was a worse faux pas than Kevin Costner, who continually spoke in an American accent while everyone else had an English accent in "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves." Tom Cruise has been in some big ticket movies, but the star has NEVER been Cruise. He's not a very good actor, just another Hollywood nut. Think about it. The best and most memorable performances in all his movies were turned in by one or more of his co-stars and not by him. "Mission Impossible" I,II, and III: he was overshadowed by the action, the helicopters, the subways, etc. "Jerry Maguire": he was overshadowed by Cuba Gooding, Jr, Rene Zellweger, the little kid. "Days of Thunder" and "Eyes Wide Shut": he was overshadowed by Nicole Kidman and/or Robert Duvall. "Vanilla Sky": he was overshadowed by the Vanilla Sky. He's never been able to carry a film with his own talent. Ima thinkin' Cruise's performances, like his stature, have always fallen short. By the way, since when did we start turning our thoughts at Christmas time to Nazi movies?

After the bowl games, Ima thinkin' the NCAA National Champion Team is UTAH. They are the only undefeated team, therefore they are the champs. Some Alabama players admitted they took the Utes too lightly, and in the process of losing 31-17, Alabama disgraced the Southeastern Conference, the South in general and several dozen congregations in the Southern Baptist Convention.

Ima thinkin' even though Pat Summeral may not be a spring chicken, he can still call a great game and has a firm grasp on the "less is more" concept. Amen to Tom Hammond too. They are among the vanishing breed who are the consummate professionals at play by play. God bless 'em.

After hearing about his team mates whining and his medical condition, Ima thinkin' Brett Farve will retire from the NFL. I'm also thinkin' he'll COME BACK AGAIN in July! Aw-Rite! The only question is whether the Jets will have "moved on" in the meantime. Ima thinkin' they won't be as torn as the Packers to cut him loose.

Ima thinkin' the best marketing campaign among car manufacturers this winter belongs to Hyundai , which promises to let you bring your newly purchased car back in the coming year if you lose your job. This is known as hedging your bets in a truly stinky economy.

Ima thinkin' whoever it was who shot the Trumpeter Swan at Mermet Springs should lose their hunting license for at least a year or more. If you don't know what you're shooting at, don't shoot! If you're ever allowed to hunt again, you should take the time to LEARN about waterfowl and THINK about the consequences. There's a responsibility that comes with hunting, so own up to it.

Ima thinkin' high school teachers who have sex with their students should be sent to prison for 10 years or more. If the only person who will have sex with you is a stupid, hormone-charged, easily-influenced teenager, you are, to my mind, legally, too ugly to legally have sex in the first place. Give it up.

Since appearing in a McDonald's Chicken McNuggets commercial, Ima thinkin' Hip Hop music has officially become "out" and we need to come up with another form of "hip" music.

Ima thinkin' the Tennessee Titans would rather play ANYONE in the playoffs than the Colts. Thank you San Diego!

Ima wonderin' if NFL Analyst John Madden has ever played the Madden NFL video game. Ima thinkin' he has certainly made a fortune off it. My lovely wife, from personal observation, testified he certainly knows what a buffet is. I love Madden.


hulagirlatheart said...

Amen on the hunting, the teachers and the hip hop. How about a less angry form of music this time? I kinda miss the bouncy jingles, but maybe that's because I grew up in the 60's and 70's. There just aren't enough Uh Oh Spaghettios.

Lew Jetton said...

That'd be great! I just don't want "I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing" to come back, if that's OK.