Sunday, September 21, 2008

I'm Sending Out Some Memos

I'm busy sending out some memos:

Memo to: Some, Not All Conservatives and Liberals
RE: The truth
Please stop forwarding emails containing lies about the candidate you oppose, to me, and everyone else. Please use the following references concerning emails about John McCain and Barak Obama.

Memo to: Tennessee Vols Football Fans
RE: Phil Fulmer
The Tennessee Football program under Phil Fulmer has "jumped the shark." Understand that the past 17 years have been wonderful, but it's to the point that "term limits" should be brought to bear. It's the same reason Houston Nutt's evangelical coaching style, as effective as it is, begins falling on deaf ears after a few years. Just make sure the coach you really want is going to be available before you hand the parachute to Fulmer. Please reject the inevitable application from Bobby Petrino, which no dout, you've already received.

Memo to: New England Patriots Fans
RE: Matt Cassell
The Pats will NOT be all right with Cassell at QB. There is a reason he was a backup. That's how one of the worst teams in the AFC beat you today at your own stadium using single wing plays, and high school option plays. Now's your chance to prove you are not a fair weather fan, and cheer a team that's not as good as the one you bargained for at the beginning of the season.

Memo To: The New York Jets
RE: Brett Farve
Let him do what he does and don't handcuff him. You know what he does. Let him do it. If you place restraints on him, it won't work. Take the interceptions with the TDs and pray there are more TDs. Just get on the roller coaster and ride.

Memo To: Jessica Simpson
RE: Your Future
Bridget, my lovely wife, respectfully asks that you break up with QB Tony Romo, as she is convinced your continued relationship will stop her beloved Dallas Cowboys from advancing in the NFL playoffs. On the other hand, I respectfully ask you to discontinue recording music, as your singing is advancing my hearing loss and confidence in mankind as a species.

Memo to: The Hickman-Fulton RECC
RE: Thanks
Thanks for the hard work you did getting the electricity back on following the remnants of Hurricane Ike moving though the area. You did a wonderful job! You saved a year's worth of meat in our freezer and reminded us how much we take for granted the convenience of power. Well done!

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